This shit is real and really crazy

This asshole is CLOSED!

So I have a sister and a friend.  My friend says anal sex is great.  My sister says it is horrible.  Then there is me, right in the middle.  Curiosity killed my ass, people.  My boyfriend is not interested in trying anal sex.  So I was left to amuse my own curious-like-tragedies.  And by tragedy… I am guessing who I agree with.  I have this purple vibrating gelly dildo.  It is basically the same size as my boyfriend so I though, why the fuck not?  I will tell you why not.  I am on my sister’s side.  NOT enough lube in the world to make me want to do that again… NEVER!  This asshole is closed for good.  Now I keep telling my peoples this and they all keep saying, oh you just didn’t do it right.  Didn’t do it right?  Ok… let me see.  Strip… take purple vibrating dildo, lube it up A LOT… lube the ass just for safety measures.  Then insert… FUCK!!  JUST SAY NO!!! Why did my mind not say NO???!!!   I wish it had.  I wish my asshole had gotten up, walked away with some delightfully queer swagger with a sign that says, “fuck you, cause you aint fucking me!!!”  But alas, as you may know, or maybe at this point you are shocked.  But my asshole does not have legs, it did not get up and go, nor did it even have a sign to steer me away from evil that was coming it’s way.  Yep.  I got 2 inches in.  I only got that in because my fucking brain could not comprehend what was happening in time to stop me at one inch.  I panic.  I think, OH MY FUCKING HELL!!! I must take it out, this will make it better.  So I swoop it out.  I have never said fuck that many times ever, not in any time I have had sex… I am thinking that is OK.  It hurt, it burned, it stung, it was HORRIBLE.  I have no idea when I will be fully recovered.  It hurt to sit the rest of the day, and quite frankly, things are not as they were, lol.  The butt-ginity has been taken.  I only have myself to blame.  Wait… no no no.  I only have my friend to blame.   She made me want to do this.  I was never ever going to violate my holes… uh… except when I do.  Ok so maybe it is kinda my fault.  But my god, little butt toys are fun.  Big man sized dildo is like OUCH AND FUCK AND OH MY HELL LET ME DIE … but you don’t die so you just lay there squirming and curling up in a ball.  You may like this, if you do, well I guess your ass fell out as a child, or so my sister says.  But the rest of you, I felt as thought I raped myself.  I needed a shower, a grey hoody and therapy.  I needed to hug my pillow and have a good cry and tell no one…. cept me… I tell people everything.  If for nothing else, for a laugh.  If you have laughed once from my experience, then by golly, I have done my job.  Not that the said anal experiment was to make people laugh… no it was to see if I could have been a gay man in a former life… Nope.  Apparently I was simply a gay woman in a formal life.  My body as always, has 3 holes.  But from now until I die, no one will be bothering the 3rd hole aside from a Dr that is so smart, he can convince me that touching my anus is 100% necessary.    And to be honest, I think they will need a lot of drugs to get me through it.  So.. my muffin shop is OPEN.  My ass is CLOSED.  The end.

2 comments on “This asshole is CLOSED!

  1. Amber
    September 18, 2012

    lol damn am i the first to comment? well hi World- i am the friend. and Anal is ok if lube is in the equation. and SLOW! SLOW DAMMIT! lol slow and gentle. but if your man is huge or the toy is huge its gonna take practice. but if your man is small then by all means it shouldn’t hurt. lol but for myself- i gotta be in an incredibly random horny mood. and have tons of lube and tell my man to be gentle and go slow. I have had bad experiences too. but the good outweighs the bad. so PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT! 😉 wink*

    • nosleepandcrazy
      September 20, 2012

      I believe that works for you, but I am just not gonna bother. I plan to be with Jason the rest of my life and he is not interested so it is kinda void. But I appreciate the advice.

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This entry was posted on September 14, 2012 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , .
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