This shit is real and really crazy

If I were a man, could I find my balls while unconscious?

scratching balls

Ok, so recently I have come to the conclusion that all men can find sexual parts in their sleep.  I mean they can be dead to the world, but not only can they find my tits while asleep, they have absolutely NO trouble finding their balls.  I mean, I can not remember ever waking up with my hands in my panties.  And yes I wear panties to sleep in… and in general.  Sorry to disappoint.  Anywho, to get back on topic.  When I wake up, my hands are usually hugging a pillow or under a pillow or under my face.  But my boyfriend can find and adjust his balls all night long.  My ex could find all my pink parts while he was unconscious.  And from my experience, they can all cuddle better while they sleep than they would ever do in the awake world.  “wah… I don’t want to cuddle… wah… I want to be manly and have a fuck-and-go… wah”  but when they sleep, they hold me, wrap their arms around me.  Once in a while, I have thought, “damn mother fucker, I don’t want to snuggle this fucking close.  We both have our own pillows, you know”.   So what makes them so damn cuddly… while all at the same time, they don’t want you anywhere near them?  I mean, my ex and I kept the bed by the wall.  He had some issue with there not being a wall next to his body while he slept.  So ok, he is on the wall.  We start out laying next to each other, one on one side, one on the other.  I have a thing, I like to touch the person I am sleeping with.  Men, they have a thing where they don’t want to be touched by me.  Ok, so let me get this straight, you can crawl over to my side of the bed, wrap yourself around me like a snake attempting to kill me.  But if I wonder to your side of the bed, just to feel your body against mine… you run like the wind.  And by run like the wind, I mean you pull away.  I am bi, and I have not acted on that since I was in 7th grade, and I am very happy with my boyfriend and plan to be with him forever… but… there is this part of me that will always wonder if I were with a woman, would she pull away til she is plastered against the wall like a pancake.  Or in my recent experience, with my current boyfriend, we do not have the bed against the wall so…  He hit the floor a few days ago.  And while I am sorry for making my ex-husband a pancake plastered against the wall, and I am also sorry for chasing my boyfriend off the bed… I still stand by the idea that if they did not pull away from me, we would both be in the middle of the bed, content and comfy.  I just wants to cuddle… but no, you pull away til you are in weird positions and then say I am the bad guy.  Well at least I do not hump you in your sleep.  Nope.  Not me.  You have never woken up to me dry humping your leg while I was unconscious.  But you… oh yes you… You know who you are.  Poking me in the back all fucking night with your big dripping hard on.  My shirt was clean…. was…  So I guess the rules are, men can touch you, but you can’t touch them… it will either end in pancake like moments, falling off the bed to your doom… or… well there was that one time… me touching… you dreaming about me…. yeah.  So ladies, don’t touch your man while he sleeps.  It can go so very wrong

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This entry was posted on September 15, 2012 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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