This shit is real and really crazy
Ok… so there are things I need, really need to stop, but I just can’t. Some are like, legitimately causing me problems, and some are just silly.
As I type this, I am in a glider chair. I have sever motion sickness problems, rocking in this chair is a not so good idea. I have a headache and I am dizzy and sickly, but as soon as I stop thinking about not doing it, I will be back to doing it. Eventually I will feel so sick I will…. ok you think I am going to say, eventually I will stop rocking, but really I will just get up and leave the room that the chair is in.
The same thing goes for a spinning chair, I will spin left to right til I am ill but the only way to stop is to get up and leave.
I can not stop chewing on suckers or hard candy. I end up eating a shit ton because I want the flavor to last but I think to myself, just suck. But no, I without even realizing it end up chewing it to bits. Sorry ex peoples in my life, I just do not suck like you, lol
I can not stop checking the stove after I use it to make sure I turned it off
I can not stop checking the oven when I am baking things, which is why I can not make my ex’s favorite meal (No peek chicken)
When I am uncomfortable, I just really need to take my shoes off. But of course there are millions of ways to be uncomfortable and also have to have your shoes on… so I constantly cross my big toe over the toe next to it on my left foot. This may sound like no big deal, but I do it til I get a blister. I do it without knowing I am doing it, and 99% of the time I never notice til I am on the verge of bleeding. And realizing it does not make me stop
I tense my legs when I am in the car with someone… I mean when I am not the one driving. Doesn’t matter if I consider them to be as good a driver as me or better or worse, I constantly hold my legs tight together and lift my heels off the floor and hold them like that til I am literally aching. But yet I just do not find a way to stop.
I can not stop having dreams that I am masturbating and my mom walks in and wont go away no matter how much I yell at her
I can not stop liking pop music, even though I once loathed it with a passion
I can not stop bringing up the past when I am mad at someone
I can not stop feeling like the ugly stepchild compared to my younger sister with our parents
I can not stop typing words as if my fingers are dyslexic
I can not stop missing my cousin Brandy
I can not stop missing friendships lost
I can not stop listening to “Want you back” by Cher Lloyd. I tend to obsess over a song til I hate it
I am sure there are plenty more things I just do without being able to stop…. but that is all I can think of at this moment.
PS, I am still rocking