This shit is real and really crazy

I just can’t stop

Ok… so there are things I need, really need to stop, but I just can’t.  Some are like, legitimately causing me problems, and some are just silly.

As I type this, I am in a glider chair.  I have sever motion sickness problems, rocking in this chair is a not so good idea.  I have a headache and I am dizzy and sickly, but as soon as I stop thinking about not doing it, I will be back to doing it.  Eventually I will feel so sick I will…. ok you think I am going to say, eventually I will stop rocking, but really I will just get up and leave the room that the chair is in.

The same thing goes for a spinning chair, I will spin left to right til I am ill but the only way to stop is to get up and leave.

I can not stop chewing on suckers or hard candy.  I end up eating a shit ton because I want the flavor to last but I think to myself, just suck.  But no, I without even realizing it end up chewing it to bits.    Sorry ex peoples in my life, I just do not suck like you, lol
I can not stop checking the stove after I use it to make sure I turned it off

I can not stop checking the oven when I am baking things, which is why I can not make my ex’s favorite meal (No peek chicken)

When I am uncomfortable, I just really need to take my shoes off.  But of course there are millions of ways to be uncomfortable and also have to have your shoes on… so I constantly cross my big toe over the toe next to it on my left foot.  This may sound like no big deal, but I do it til I get a blister.  I do it without knowing I am doing it, and 99% of the time I never notice til I am on the verge of bleeding.  And realizing it does not make me stop

I tense my legs when I am in the car with someone… I mean when I am not the one driving.  Doesn’t matter if I consider them to be as good a driver as me or better or worse, I constantly hold my legs tight together and lift my heels off the floor and hold them like that til I am literally aching.  But yet I just do not find a way to stop.

I can not stop having dreams that I am masturbating and my mom walks in and wont go away no matter how much I yell at her

I can not stop liking pop music, even though I once loathed it with a passion

I can not stop bringing up the past when I am mad at someone

I can not stop feeling like the ugly stepchild compared to my younger sister with our parents

I can not stop typing words as if my fingers are dyslexic

I can not stop missing my cousin Brandy

I can not stop missing friendships lost

I can not stop listening to “Want you back” by Cher Lloyd.  I tend to obsess over a song til I hate it

I am sure there are plenty more things I just do without being able to stop….  but that is all I can think of at this moment.

PS, I am still rocking


One comment on “I just can’t stop

  1. psychofab
    November 13, 2012

    I do the song thing, the missing friends (even when they suuuuck) thing, and the bringing up the past thing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on November 12, 2012 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , .
%d bloggers like this: