nosleepandcrazy

This shit is real and really crazy

Shit on a date

blindfold

Ok, so I am sooooo fucking sick of these damn commercials where they blind fold people in a room covered in shit… and the people go, “It smells like lily’s growing on clouds… then they take off their blind fold and are astonished to find themselves in some hole in the earth hotel or kitchen.  BULLSHIT.  Bullshit.  I am calling shenanigans here people.  I have pets.  I take very good care of them, but the truth of the matter is, there are many times where my lovely babies will take a big shit right before the door bell (yes the scary door bell) rings and so I run around doing what the commercials say and I spray febreeze all over the litter box… do you know what really happens?  It smells like a piece of shit sprung legs and asked Mrs. Shit out for a hot date and Mr.Shit sprayed cologne on.  The smell does NOT magically go away.  Not a chance in hell.  Yes you smell some pretty flowers or pumpkin spice or vanilla, but you still smell whatever you are trying to cover up.  If Derek came over last night and cooked fresh fish, my trash can smells like dead fish.  If I spray some magical spritz, it still smells like dead fish on prom night.  If Jason comes in and takes his shoes off after a hard night at Walmart, his feet are gonna smell like Walmart took a dump in his shoes and started sweating a lot.  I make him go wash his feet.  But he leaves the evidence behind every time.  The shoes are the culprit.  So when he returns from his grumping due to having to wash his soggy feet, he thinks it is time to plop down and nuzzle my boobies… NO WAY.  First the shoes have to go far far away.  Maybe I should buy a shoe rack and put it in the garage, he can leave the shoes out there and come in to wash his feet.  Oh and not to scare all the manly men away, but do NOT buy those damn scented tampons for your woman.  It will not make her vagina smell like flowers, it will smell like flowers bleeding to death.  PS… we still smell better than your smelly balls any day of the week.  Not to mention you all sit around scratching your ass and your balls, then you lean over and caress my arm… really?!?!?  If I spray Febreeze on your balls, will I want to put my face down there?  Probably no more than than you would want to put your face near my cats ass with a bit of cinnamon.  So, moral of this story… Clean your damn house, body, litter boxes… THEN spray lovely peaches and cream mist all over… and then and only then are your guests on the other side of the door going to walk in thinking, mmm that makes me want peach cobbler.

One comment on “Shit on a date

  1. psychofab
    November 13, 2012

    I tend to agree. In fact, even if a scent is good, if I use it constantly to cover up or clear away an unpleasant odor my brain will actually start to associate it with something unpleasant, and it will become a “stink” smell to me. For example, the dishes. I have some flowery silky hands dish washing liquid. I used to like it. But I have to change scents or brands now because the smell now makes me gag, due to associating it with doing dishes. foul smelling, nasty dishes that my husband eats strogonaff off of then doesn’t rinse off. And peanut butter! That shit is AWFUL when it sits a minute.

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This entry was posted on November 12, 2012 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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