nosleepandcrazy

This shit is real and really crazy

Shrinking Vagina & sex hearts

Ok, so I may have mentioned this before but along with all my crazy in my head, my vagina has some crazy of it’s own.  I am VERY small and very tight… and you all think that’s good but really when you are as small and tight as me, you and your dicks can’t always get in… even if I want you to.  My vagina quite literally says NO

NO

Also I have vaginismus.  It is a technical term for fear of sex.  The internet dictionary describes it as a painful spasm of the vagina.  Trust me neither of those terms are very descriptive.  Treatments for this include, mental therapy, electric shock therapy to the vaginal muscle, lots of lube (booze are good too) and dilators which you get when you go to physical therapy.   These are dilators

Image

They have various sizes as you can see.  And yes if you are as bad off as me, you start off with that first one and even that can make you feel some discomfort.  They are small, small plus and so on.  I am currently on medium.  I would love to say I am on medium plus but I am not.  So a long ways to go and since my sex drive has depleted I have shrank to this point.  I mentioned the lack of sex drive previously.  I have to put them in for an hour at a time, once a day if I am doing it right.  I have a devoted friend that chats with me for that hour, he reminds me to do it in the first place, he also times it and tells me when I am done because if I time it I obsessively look at the clock over and over and that little hour feels like ten hours.  I have also been hypnotized to help deal with this.  As much as I love sex over all, right when it is about to happen I have to take deep (hopefully unnoticed) breaths and mentally tell myself to relax and calm down the same way every woman does at the gyno.  The tragic part is, when I have it, I want it and want it and want it… but when I for whatever reason go without it for a while I grow numb to the desire and eventually just do not want it at all, and when I go a while without it I also shrink.  You see the best thing for it is to have sex as often as possible cause it keeps my vag stretched out.  But things happen, I get depressed or numb or whatever and my desire fades away and poof, it has been a month since I had sex.  I know exactly how often I have sex because I have a calender and I put little hearts and notes about that particular experience on the date of each sexcapades.   I have done this every single solitary time (aside from first sexual partner, Jman) except for the last time.  WTF happened?  I do not know.  I remember asking what time it was so I would know if it was today or tomorrow (before midnight or after) and some how I just missed it.  I am very distraught about it.  But unless someone still has the text I sent out when I had said sex, there is simply no way of knowing when it happened and sadly that was a few weeks ago.  I vow to never do this again.  I just do not have an excuse.  So no sex heart for last month.  So I think I will stay up as late as possible, crash and when I wake up I am just gonna get drunk and ravage my lover.  and I WILL make a heart in my calender.  I hate that I forgot.  I do this because… well I don’t know why I started it really.  After Jman and I did not work out, I realized I had no idea what day I lost my virginity on and this bothered me so bad that I decided I would always know from then on when I had sex.  Now I also want to know exactly what day I got pregnant on.  So I keep adding my hearts… cept that one time….. F’n annoying that I forgot it.

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This entry was posted on December 10, 2012 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , .
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