This shit is real and really crazy
It is 3:51 am on Jan 3, 2013. That title there is my weight. I thought maybe if I tell the world…. well make it available to the world…. but really just a few people that read this, I might have to face it. I live a way from my world now. 30 minutes away seems like a lot when you do not have a ton of money for gas and your peoples are not near. So I am gonna talk about sex, depression, the crazy and everything I can think of and my weight. I am currently in size 18 jeans. The highest I have been is 319 pounds. I lost a hundred total back in may. So yeah, I have fallen off the diet wagon since I was 219 pounds. I want so badly to be 219 again. I want it. So maybe if I share with you about all my struggles, you will see me through it, offer advice…. something. A huge goal I have is to get my nose pierced. I will be doing that when I get to 200 pounds. I also as I have mentioned, want a baby. My Dr says with every pound I lose, the more likely I will be able to get pregnant. I was doing well on my diet, but then I got diagnosed as being bi-polar. If anyone reading this is on meds for that, well you know what I mean. I am happier than I have been in so long I can not remember but I am gaining weight cause of the meds which of course is making me not happy. I just want to go shopping with my sister and shop in the same stores. I am tired of faking a smile when I open clothes as a gift… not because I do not like them. People that buy me clothes typically hit the nail on the head. But the smile I fake is to cover the fear of when I try them on, they may not fit and I will have to tell them. I also have the smile to hide the fact that what I am opening would not have fit in May, it would have been too big, but as it is now some fits, and some is too small. Last Christmas my stepmom got me tons of clothes. Every single bit of it was too big. This year, that was not the case. Stuff was just right or just looked horrible on me. This has to end.