This shit is real and really crazy
February 15, 2011
In the early a.m. I … well I had sex to just be technical with a friend. We had one date some time before that night and we did not end up together, but we just could not get rid of each other. He was nervous, I was nervous… but I remained calm. I told him to relax and we began our process. I wanted to sleep with him, I did not have high or low expectations. I simply wanted to, so I did. They way he embraced me, the way he took control. It was amazing. He knew exactly what he wanted and I gave him what I could. We tried every position I had ever tried, plus one more. The splitting bamboo. He was the man that lasted the longest. His name was Nathanial. He was so good in bed. The way he looked at me, like I was special, or a gift. I had not had a man look at me that way in years. And to be honest, there was something about the way he looked at me that I would have to say, I had never been looked at like that ever, not once in my life. He seemed grateful, and I swear if I didn’t know better, when he looked at me, he saw something beautiful. I have many regrets from that night. A very many that I would do anything to go back and fix. None of which were his fault. I was shy and reserved. Not in the way you would think, but I wish I had gone down on him, and I really wish I had let him go down on me. That particular act has always been something I am very shy about. It just seems so personal to have someones face and lips there. So I did not let him. I will forever wish I had just let him. I had never been with someone that it mattered to. I now know him even more than I did then and I know this is something that he is not just willing to do, but something he really loves doing. But the night was not ruined of course. I myself tend to live in the what if I had done…. world. I cherish this night. Or morning if you want to be specific. We watched… well a movie played in the background that we did not notice its’ ending. When we were finished, I stood up to get dressed. He was there and he said, “Let me look at you.” I was so shy and very ready to get my clothes back on. But I could tell that was not what he wanted so I in a very silly way, turned and said, “Ta dah”. He looked at me, he told me how beautiful I was. I do not, and did not believe this. I joked it off of course. I pretended it was nothing. But I will never forget how special it made me feel. He saw me as if I was something worth looking at. I will never know his most deepest thoughts on that night, but I can tell you this, it was a very very special night for me. Top twenty. No, top ten. It shall never be tarnished.