This shit is real and really crazy
Ok, so this is what I am working with. I have spent the night either listening to music or watching youtube videos on losing weight, losing weight while on bipolar meds. For the most part they have bipolar weight gain videos, no actual solutions. Even some with Dr’s saying there is just not much you can do about it. I refuse to accept that. When I suck in my stomach so hard and so far that I feel I may faint, I think, maybe if it was just that bad, I could live with myself. I just drank a really big bottle of water to keep myself from eating again tonight. And now I am taking my meds to knock my ass out. I stayed up too much, slept too much and now I am on a fucked up sleeping schedule to the point I barely got to see my boyfriend. Not sure if he even had dinner cause I was not awake to fix it for him like usual. I know, I know. This is not 1953, it is 2013, so he can make his own meal. But I have been making something healthy for a while every night for dinner but I just slept so long that my dinner was my breakfast and now I am trying to go to bed in a bit so I, in the end, am not eating dinner. I am however chewing sugar free gum that is supposed to taste like strawberry shortcake… really all I can taste is the strawberry jelly that is on a strawberry shortcake but I suppose it shall do for the moment. Some diet sites recommend to obsess over making myself beautiful instead of obsessing over food, pluck your eye brows, shave, wash hair, shower, paint nails, fix your hair, all that kinda stuff. I am not really very girly so I am not sure this is the cure for my over eating. But I took a shower in honor of that info. Maybe tomorrow I will take another stab at waxing my eye brows… cause you know, that went so well last time, lol. I really need to paint my toe nails but I do not have any nail polish remover so I really can not do that without it and I am kinda broke. I also do not really have the gas to drive twenty minutes away to go to Walmart. I do not really like my finger nails painted, I have man hands and I think I look ridiculous with them painted. I guess I could do an official manicure thingy. My hands are swollen right now and i have no idea why. I also have no idea why my weight is up to 240.8 today. I swear my scaled hate me. They speak lies. LIES!!! Lies I tell you.