nosleepandcrazy

This shit is real and really crazy

Stop talking about blowjobs, you just made me kill a frog!

Ok,so my ex-husband is living with me and Jason for a while.  We went to do some things and on our way home we got in to the topic about blowjobs. 

He was an asshole, saying I never got him off with a blowjob without his help… Fucking hell I did too.  Men and their selective memory.  But I of course had to defend my honor.  I was also the one driving. 

He starts going on about how there are only a certain amount of people to get him off with a blow job without him “intervening” and I was like, yeah and I am one of them.  He was like, uh no you weren’t.  I was like screaming, not in the oh my God I am gonna die scream way, but in the, fuck you I have to!!!!! kinda way.  The fact that he does not remember this is sorta hurtful.  I remember it. 

I specifically remember it because I am all nice like.  I may not be able to deep throat (those of you who can, I envy you beyond your understanding) so I jerk a guy off while going down on him.  I like the balls too, people.  I do NOT neglect anything below the belt.  I nibble and take the tip of my tongue down the hip area too.  Wish someone would do that to me… Men are too dumb to figure that one out I suppose. 

It is not like I can show him.  But I remember so I know, I know…. that should be enough for me.  It just isn’t.  It feels like such an insult and even more than that, a challenge.  But of course I have to withdraw.

It is like oral sex with me… I have rarely been eaten out… that is a very vulgar way to put it, but if you think about it, it is quite accurate.  Well, it is if the guy has a clue. 

Anywho, all of this led to me getting very shrieky and defensive.  Not like I was gonna kill him, just calling out MAJOR shenanigans.  Epic bullshit.  I am damn good at blow jobs.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

Anyways I got all shrieky and I ran over a frog 😦   I have never run over anything in my life.  If I had not been screaming at him I would have seen it and avoided it.  Chris and his bad memory and denial of my sucking-dick-skills totally cause a fatal moment in that poor frogs life. 

It might have had family.  It could have been going to visit its’ sister.  Just hopping along across the road and BAM some dumb blonde screaming about her skill with her tongue ends his poor little life. 

My sexual habits have now caused death.  Poor little froggy.  I am forever sorry.  Under different circumstances I would have kissed him and made him my prince. 

Speaking of Prince, my favorite song by Prince is “Cream”… I used to watch the video on Mtv all the damn time so why the FUCK do they NEVER play it on the radio?

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This entry was posted on July 19, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .
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