This shit is real and really crazy

What exactly is cheating? I’m gross here people……

Ok, so blow jobs…. I give em any time they want em.  I have no problem doing that.  But I am so sick of hearing guys say that it hurts their jaw to go down on a woman.  Awe… does that hurt?  Is it uncomfortable?  Awe, you poor thing….. No… wait… FUCK YOU Does this look like it is comfortable to you?


No it fucking doesn’t.  Our jaws hurt really fucking bad too.  But somehow I seem to have given WAY more blow jobs than I have received a good muffin dive.  Now I know, I know.  I have said before I am shy about it.  And trust me, I am.  It has only been done to me a few times.  And for the most part the guys had NO fucking clue what they were doing.  Combine being extremely shy and insecure with a lack of skill and it leads to a whole lot of NO getting my pussy eaten out. 

I know that sounds vulgar, but fuck, it is accurate.  Not sure why they call anal to tongue pleasure, tossing the salad.  Anyone got a reason for that?  I would love to know. 

I accepted for a really long time that I just did not like it.  I have tried swallowing and I did not like it, in fact it made me gag every fucking time.  I can tell you right now that without a shadow of a doubt I absolutely know to the deepest part of me, I do NOT like to swallow and do not plan to do it again.  But I am on these dating sites.  Calm down people, I am not fucking random people behind Jason’s back.  I simply talk about sex or anything anyone wants to talk about.  It is my way of reaching out and connecting with people.  And yes I do talk about sex a lot of the time, but that is cause I love to talk about it.  And yes there are many times when guys talk dirty to me and it gets me all randy.  But I take care of myself, they never get to touch me, nor do they even get to see any of my pink parts. 

Talking is just fun.  Especially when I can not really talk about with Jason.  He is just not sex driven.  I have a much stronger sex drive than he does.  It just is what it is.  But I love him so I just try to take care of myself most the time.  I still can not figure out how the fuck to finger myself and get off.  I have asked guys and they very rarely want to tell me, they just want to show me. 

But anywho, in talking to all of these guys, I have found many that actually enjoy going down on a girl.  It turns them on to pleasure a woman with their tongue.  Where the fuck were these people when I was single? 

Now I know what you are thinking, I have a boyfriend so what is my damn bitching all about… Well there is something you have to know about Jason.  This is the face he makes EVERY single time I make him try a new food or drink….


Yep.  As if I do not have enough insecurities… Do I really need to see that face when he licks my pussy?  FUCK NO.  No no no, fuck that.  He has never done it so there is no way I can be sure that is not what his face will look like. 

So, not only will he have no clue what to do, or skill…. he will most likely make that face and I will end up with some fucking complex that my lady goods taste bad.  Remember what I said, I am extremely shy about it.  I will fuck you, suck you and kiss you LONG looooooong before I will ever let your face go anywhere near my vertical smile. 

I am starting to think that there should be updated rules for relationships.  I won’t swallow, so why don’t you have a little fun on the side for that shit and just come home to me.  You won’t go down on me, then let me go get me some on the side.  In my mind, “cheating” is not the same definition as my mother’s version.  I am very open and I just do not care about most of those rules.  I used to and I just kinda don’t now at all.  Is it cheating to talk about sex with a man or woman I am not committed to?  Is it cheating to talk about what gets me off and you tell me what gets you off and then I go diddle myself?  Are pics cheating?  Is fantasizing cheating?  Is a foot massage cheating? foot massage A back massage?  back massage And if that is cheating, then why is this NOT cheating? pro massage Cause you is all naked like then. If a regular back massage is cheating, then how is taking your clothes off, laying on a table and paying for it, not cheating? Is looking cheating?  Is dreaming cheating?  If I can think of some scenario and think to myself, if Jason did ____ would I be pissed and feel cheated on and I come to the simple conclusion that I would not care because there is sex and all of it’s friends and then there is love and that is separate at times.  Is it cheating if I do not mind him doing it?  Does it matter that he might not want to, rather I consider it cheating or not and so if I do it, does it change the rule?  If someone smacks my ass at a party, am I supposed to scream at him and slap him?  Is dancing with someone cheating?  Is looking cheating?  Is watching cheating? 

It is 2013, not 1950.  Rules have changed and I have curiosities that want to become reality.  I have desires of pain that are never relieved.  I want to say no and Jason keep on trying and trying even if it takes all day til it leads to me saying yes and meaning yes more than I have ever meant it in my life.  I want the chase.  I want the begging.  I want my blood to boil.  And there is a huge part of me that seriously wonders what it would be like to have a guy go down on me and look like this after….. Image

Now I will tell you right now, I have not had sex since February.  I know, that sucks.  I know, it is awful.  And yes for a long while there, it was Jason’s fault.  Not to mention the last two times we had sex, it was horrible.  Just bad bad bad.  Note to self, do not wake up the Jason for morning sex.  Aren’t I the one that is supposed to say, “Honey I have a headache”?  Not to mention the lack of ….Image  Yeah morning sex does not result in a full salute.  Not even close.


Then after a couple months of that, I put on weight.  Not a little.  A lot.  I have gained 30lbs since last summer.  I can not wear last years clothes.  I found out last night that I can not wear my pajama pants that I wore this past winter.  So shaving and pretty much anything that makes a woman a woman has just melted away in to this fat blob of a body I have. 

So yeah, it was his fault for a long while but as the weight came on, the less attractive I felt which is saying something since I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror 30 lbs ago.  I have stopped shaving the vag, people.  I hate hair there.  But I am bigger and it is a lot more work to shave that area.  And I feel so ugly I do not want anyone to touch me, be it Jason or my mother.  I started holding my breath when someone hugs me again.  I just look awful and to add to it, I have been renovating my Aunt’s house and she has no air conditioning so I have heat rash on my cleavage. 

Listen here people, I am a fat girl.  All I have going for me are the tits.  They are my token sexy spot.  DD is something to be noticed.  Now I got fucking heat rash.  This on top of everything added to the fact that my hair is hair is falling out and I am anemic comes to one big, no fucking way am I letting you see me naked.  Jason has not seen my cooter without panties on in about 3 months.  And he aint gonna today either.  

At least I have my computer back so I can write my blog and I can chat with random people that find their way to my profile with the ability to amuse me for a while. 

One comment on “What exactly is cheating? I’m gross here people……

  1. Sam
    July 19, 2013

    Well said 🙂

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