nosleepandcrazy

This shit is real and really crazy

losing my shit, made me lose my shit

Couldn’t find my blades last night. I freaked the fuck out, as if I was not freaking the fuck out already. But there is a certain part of my purse where they are and they were not there. I dumped my whole purse out in a frenzy and it took me too long for my taste to discover that my purse had a hole in it and my little bottle of blades had gotten inside the lining. Not being able to find them was as if I had lost one of my legs. I was in a panic. I was crawling around in the floor rooting through wallets and tampons and bottles of pills and every other fucking thing that was in my purse stopping me from finding them.

Finding them made me feel so much better. I might has well have found a hundred dollar bill. Then I cut. And I cut. And I slid it just barely over my wrist, just to visualize what it would be like. But don’t worry. I am still alive. I am not a ghost living in my computer typing out morbid blogs all day. Nope, I am alive and morbid and blogging.

Got me a damn good high off of it. I am either going to have to wear pants for a few weeks or only be around people that wont make me apologize for being who I am. Yeah, you guessed it, I will be wearing pants. The line to find acceptance is very very very long and if you don’t have a VIP card, you are still shit out of luck.

This is who I am and it doesn’t bother me so fuck you if it bothers you. My body. My choice. I do what I want with my body.

8 comments on “losing my shit, made me lose my shit

  1. Ryan
    August 5, 2013

    So basically your new man isn’t making you happy therefore you cut yourself?

    • nosleepandcrazy
      August 5, 2013

      No. I do that all the time. But not being able to find my blades made me freak out. And it is no ones fault that I cut myself. People that blame their cutting on someone else are ridiculous. Other people may hurt you or upset you or neglect you… But that is not the reason I cut. I cut because I do not have the ability to cope with things I have no control over. But I have control over my cutting, how much or how little I do it. I have complete control over how much pain I inflict, I have complete control over how big of a scar it will leave. non-cutters do not get it. You clearly are a non-cutter.

  2. Ryan
    August 5, 2013

    And very proud of it too. My body is a temple and treat it as such.

    • nosleepandcrazy
      August 5, 2013

      My temple was broken long before I ever picked up sharp objects.

    • psychofab
      August 5, 2013

      Only a moron is proud of just happening to be born without a mental disorder. Unless you were the little DNA traffic guard, holed up in your own daddy’s ball sack, directing what parts of DNA got through and which didn’t, you have nothing to be proud of. Shove your perceived mental superiority up your temple’s dimly lit back door, and pray no one you care about ever has to go through the kind of crap depression brings with it.

  3. Becky Bee
    August 5, 2013

    I understand.

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This entry was posted on August 5, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .
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