This shit is real and really crazy
Ok, so I know I bitch about pimples and my back hurting and just the sheer grossness of having my period, but let’s face it. It is actually a good thing. Unless you are a man, and if you are, put a tampon in and get the fuck over it, you emotional babies.
I am almost two months late and it is annoying. You see, when you are in my fucked up body, I speak not for others, just for me, but when you are in my fucked up body, then you have PCOS and you also suffer from PMS until you finally have the mother fucking period, be it in a week or 3 months.
That is exactly what I am doing right now. For over a month I have wanted anything and everything sweet. I feel swollen and gross. Mood swings = check… as if my bipolar ass needed help in the mood swing department… Sorry J man.
Ok, so I have been patient. I have prayed and I have waited and I have run out of patience. So, what to do? Well it is simple. Piss on a fucking stick, also known as a pregnancy test (and of course I am not, Mrs. Infertile over here, sorry to burst your ho-bag of the year award pointed fingers) and then when it says, negative, I swallow pills for several days and poof, I have my chemically induced period.
So what’s the problem? The problem is my pill bottle is at the ex’s house. Way not helpful. So, plan b… no that is not a period/abortion joke, but to each their own. Plan b is to go to the 24/7 walgreens. They will have me in their computer like thingy and will look up all my meds and say, “Oh I see what you mean, you need to fill ____ so that you can take care of this little issue.” and I will say, “Yes, thank you” and then I will go get it and be on my way.
But along with the fucking bottle being at my ex’s house, so be the prescription ID # so alas I can not call it in the easy way. So I call my not so far away, but not incredibly close 24/7 pharmacy.
Good news people!!! Their computer systems are down for maintenance. Excuse me mam, but can you make it stop? Well no of course they can’t so until the maintenance or my regular NOT 24/7 walgreens open I can handle my shit.
But I don’t want to wait til systems reboot and I do not want to wait til my regual down the road walgreens opens. I just pissed on a stick. I am fat people, it is not as easy to piss on a stick and some twig of a woman that can piss on a stick and get knocked up just from breathing near a bardstown boy all in one day. No, I have… stuff in the way… Like tig old bitties as the ex-husband used to say. But I managed and of course, I am not all with child. Big fucking SHOCKER!!!
Soon as you recover from the shock, try and read on.
Ok, back to the whole drug and the need of it thing. I want to swallow the fucking thing. Now, not in a few hours. N-O-W I was having them naturally. For many months they happened right on schedule, Tara had hers and then I had mine. Well that ain’t the case anymore.
Yes yes, I know, what are you doing that would make your PCOS rear it’s ugly cancer causing ass back in to your life? Well, wtf do you think? I have been very depressed and I have been eating away my emotions. So the pounds have poured on. Not really a lot of exercise either. Sex apparently doesn’t count and why should it, I enjoy sex. So, my dear readers who have functional ovaries, or my male readers who have knocked up accidentally someone with functioning ovaries, this means I am fucked again.
My PCOS is all back up in my grill, yo.
Want to know some other fun facts? When I have a chemically induced period, it makes me want to die. My tits swell up so bad I can’t fit in my bra and if you think that is sexy, you are a man because women know that when you are on your period and your boobs swell that bad, they are wanting anything but for their person to touch them cause they HURT. Everything hurts.
So, yay. In a few hours I will get my pills, take a big gulp of water and start the process to make my body do what most women take for granted.
Maybe when I finally get this over with, I will have a smile on my face more than ten minutes at a time. Don’t hold your breath.
I just want to point out that when you google, pregnancy tests, 98% if the pics are of positive test results. I think this is just fucking typical and annoying. Clearly more people get knocked up be it when they try or just forgot to try not to. FML. But hey, anger leads to mania and that’s when I write and there are not a million of you, but there are a few that like my manic rants. And to you all, I say, kisses bitches!!