This shit is real and really crazy
Ok, so I guess I am as close to being a paid writer as I ever will be. A friend is paying me $5 for every blog post I write about Riffs. So, this is not my normal post, but I feel special for making moolah.
This show is called Incognito Cinema Warriors. What they do is, they play a movie or a short and they comment during each one. You could say they basically make fun of it… but it not necessarily making fun of it in an, “I hate this shit” kinda way. It is more like… there is some seriously weird shit that made it to the big screen or even straight to dvd. They make light fun of these disasters.
There are 3 ways of enjoying these. You can buy MST3k dvd sets, you can buy Incognito Warriors dvd’s or you can watch any movie (not comedies, can’t really make fun of a comedy, or so I am told, which is horse shit cause there are a million so called comedies that I can make fun of) and just download a riff from the site rifftrax.com.
They do for the most part, old and current movies. There is a good chance there will be some you have never heard of. Or, you could be a sucky-doody-head and watch a riff on Twilight.
The episode I watched recently was from the show, Incognito Warriors. We (me and my employer) watched season 2 episode 4. It was for 2 shorts.
Shorts are things they used to show in classes and sometimes between movies (I think, anyways). We watched “The Haunted Mouth” and “The Power to Serve”.
If you decide to buy this, I want to prepare you for the insanity that, “The Haunted Mouth” is. You go in to a creepy house and you get to endure a musically inclined demon who we all know as plaque. This whole short is him telling you how to kill him, but him swearing that he knows we never will. He sings of ways to brush your teeth, use mouth wash and floss. This crap is hilarious. Can you just imagine getting held up at a gas station and the guy with a gun singing about how he has a bad left knee and if someone kicks him there, he will go down like a pile of bricks.
And in case you are wondering why this was ever made, or who made this, well you can thank your American Dental Association for that one.
Before and in between movies or shorts, depending on what is on the dvd, there are host segments.
Rikk Wolf of CORPS is the main character played by Rikk Wolf himself. He has a couple of robot friends who help him watch the riffs and make their comments to add their robot-ee humor.
The other characters are:
Topsy Bot 5000
Zed the Zombie Head
The show itself starts out quite rough. When I first started watching them, I was not all that thrilled. But I can say it gets better with each episode. So you could just watch the episode I just watched and if you like it, then you could go back. Or you could start at the beginning and just trust me on the promise that it gets better. Either way you will enjoy a few laughs.
So far, they have not made any episodes of movies or shorts I have ever seen.
Then we have the second short. I had to go back and watch this again because it just did not stick in my mind…. And that is WITH the riff. I can only imagine how boring it must have been to view it as it was meant to be. This one is called, The Power to Serve.
This was made by the Cleveland Electric Company. The entire thing is about how amazing it is to live in Cleveland, Ohio. Now I am not sure if they showed this shorts in schools located in Ohio, or in other states… but it does not exactly make me want to relocate. Sorry… But I love Kentucky too much.
There is a line in the short that literally says, “America, why not take electricity for granted”.
They also say in one part that electricity can not be stored… Have they never heard of fucking batteries??????? This entire thing goes on and on about how great Ohio is, and how epic their electric company is. They pretty much act like it could cure cancer. Their electric company is responsible for all new roads, parks, churches, houses, offices and schools.
They gave us churches…. And Cleveland Ohio said, let there be light. God can take a holiday.
They have the outlook for the future, for tomorrow will be even better for everyone in Cleveland Ohio.
So, my dear readers…. is there now a for sale sign in your yard? Is it time to pack up and move to Cleveland? Nope. I like good old Kentucky.
Hugs and kisses bitches