This shit is real and really crazy
Sexual self esteem… I used to have some of that. I used to have a lot of it. But I just do not have it anymore. I am terrified of making the first move for fear of being rejected. So I just sit around waiting….
But one thing I have always been able to count on are my dreams. Yep, the sex dreams have been nothing but steamy for as long as I have been having them. But even that has come to its’ death.
Last night I dreamed that I was dating Rob Van Winkle… other wise known as Vanilla Ice. Yeah so what, I had a thing for him when I was a kid and last night it resurfaced. But it did not go well. Everything was going well. Then out of no where in the middle of fucking, he just stopped. He said it meaning I was just no good at it. After that, we never did anything together physically. It did end in a sad attempt at a prom at my old high school. We got kicked out for cuddling too close. I guess I was still good at cuddling in my dream.
So with the lack of sex… what is my favorite past time? You guessed it. Masturbation has become my past time. My left hand it tired. For whatever reason I can not get myself off with my right hand even though I am right handed.
The dream has really gotten me down. Like way down. I am trying to shake it off but it is just stuck in my brain. That face he made when he just couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to stop. Said, we don’t need to learn each others secrets all in once night. But after that he wouldn’t touch me. Blah!!
So to make myself feel better, I ordered a new sex toy which I kinda need since the whole melting thing that I mentioned in a previous blog. This one is doubt penetration. I figured one thing that does both would be simpler so I figured I would give it a try.
Well sorry to be a downer. I am just not on a high right now.