This shit is real and really crazy

Dating your best friend…

Dating your best friend is sometimes overrated because when you are hurt by that person, all you want to do is go tell your best friend.  But dating someone who is not your best friend is marked as doom from the very beginning. 

Maybe the life of a single girl is the way to go… Yeah right… single so I can wonder around from boy-man to boy-thing from day to day. 

I could just be alone.  For a while, or maybe forever.  I was damn good at that before the age of 22.  But now I think I am ruined.  Now I need and crave the touch of a man, and the I love you words. 

So what do I want?  I want it all I guess.  But to just start out, I want to be on the same page.  That is the hardest thing.  You either want more than they want, or you don’t want as much as they want. 

So, what do I want?  I want the best friend, the lover, the partner, the commitment, the whole, shouting it out for all the world to know.  I want kisses and touches.  Now obviously, I am in no way looking for any man to, “Put a ring on it”.  God knows I am not on my way to another wedding day.  Not that I regret the last one, I don’t.  Not at all.  Just not looking for that these days. 

I want to know everything, tell everything, and be everything with someone.  I haven’t laughed one time today.  I mean sure, I faked it all damn day til I finally couldn’t take it anymore.  I am so damn good at putting on the face people want, it is just easy for me now.  But somewhere along the way today, I just, lost my anger and now I am all stupid and sad. 

I want less and less and less of what I have had, and more and more and more of what I kinda sorta have.  Is kinda sorta enough?  No.  So now what?  Am I to just be patient?  Do I have any other choice? 

When love, true love is not enough… where do you go?  When like, honest to God like, is not enough, where do you go?  When you need the one person that is half the problem, who do I tell? 

If I tell anyone in my family, they will just jump on the hate him band wagon.  That is not helpful or useful to me at all. 

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This entry was posted on October 25, 2015 by in Uncategorized.
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