How I learned to skip breakfast

Ok, so I know what they say, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Sure… but there are so many things that can prevent it and that can reward you for not eating it.  Ok so this is how it first started, I am part of a big family and in this here family we like to get up early, like when it is not quite day light… We would all go visit my great granny and stay with her for a weekend.  She was in her late 90’s and had been getting up with the rooster crows longer than I will ever know.  She got up and she began cooking.  My mother, my Aunt Minnie, and my grandma would get up and join her in the kitchen.  All of my cousins would follow when the smell of bacon seeped under our bedroom doors.  Everyone, all ages, cept little old me.  I was the baby and I liked my sleep.  But it did not matter that my princess ass wanted to sleep it, it was either get up to eat, or eat nothing when you do get up.  So, maybe once a year while in the country, I got to eat breakfast.  The rest of the time all those  years, I went without.  Somehow there was always cold oatmeal left over… but as I said I was a princess and I just was not having any of that.  So that is lesson one on how to skip breakfast.  Then you get a little older, school is in and you begin to love to fix your hair and do your makeup.  Well sometimes, I was a teen, and typical teen and the hair just took 5 more minutes and the makeup, oh I don’t like that color, maybe a little darker.  So breakfast became a thing of the past.  In high school, I had to get dropped off to school about 30 minutes early.  I was there with all the single mom or single dad kids that had to get dropped off early.  We of course did not magically make friends…. or maybe it was just me they didn’t make friends with.  But that’s another story.  Well this 30 minutes meant I could do my makeup at school every day.  I could also give myself a manicure.  I had very nice nails back then.  So since I had all this extra time at home, no more makeup to be done at the house, surely breakfast would be reinstated.  Nope.  I am a crazy person.  And one of my crazy’s is the lack of ability to sleep.  Took me hours to fall asleep each night, so I figured out really quick that if I did my makeup at school, skipped breakfast and grabbed a headband or a ponytail I was good to sleep another 20 maybe even 30 minutes.  And so most often I did.

By my senior year, I was obsessed with my hair.

An unpopular virgin with big tits that I did not let anyone see but myself….

well yeah I had to focus on getting attention some other way and we were in uniforms so that could not be it… I could not wear dark makeup or dark nail polish by then either (joys of a teeny weeny private Christian school known as Micah) so all I had left was my hair.  By my senior year I was getting up on time… no not on time, I was getting up 30-45 minutes early for breakfast… LOL.  Just kidding.  I was getting up 30-45 minutes early to do my hair.  I had insane crazy jewelry, I had a new hair style every day that most often was never repeated again.  I was an artist and why should my hair not fall under the category of art?  I was very un-popular with most and very very popular with a small few.  My little gathering of 6th graders… (remember I said it was a small school,, yes the seniors were with the 6th graders sometimes) anyhoo, my gathering of 6ht graders would crowd around every day to oooh and aaaah over my hair, or my weird as shit jewelry.  No boys were amongst my gathering, not of any age.  But I had my little ladies following me around depending on me to show them the ways of… weird hair and weird earrings, lol.  I was not mature for my age, I was behind in fact, a late bloomer.  No boys, no sex, no kisses, no nothing.  Not til I was 22… but again, that is another story.  So after my senior year, I went to college.  Don’t all cheer at once, it was just community college and I hated it with a blazing passion.  But… Oh yes… But … There were NO uniforms, NO dress codes, NO rules of any kind cept you show up or you are just as dumb as you started.  So now, now I definately skip breakfast because college brings up a whole new fear… boys.  Yeah there were boys in high school but I loathed them as much as they loathed me… all but two.  One is gay (though he isn’t at this moment, try again next month, who knows) and the other was my first.  First adult kiss, first adult touch, first adult everything, well except first husband… someone else got that one.  Anyways, college… yes.  So college had boys, lots of boys all with their sexiness… there were girls too and they all looked better than me… including my best friend at the time.  Everyone seemed skinnier, prettier, sexier, and definitely smarter than me.  And all of the opposite sex seemed very focused on my best friend.  Yeah and she didn’t give them the time of day.  So there we went, the two little virgins from Micah… one perfect, one… me.  So now, the boys, the girls, the everything that glowed around all the shiny college students, so not only was I getting up early to do hair and nails and makeup and clothes and shoes and purses… now it just did not seem enough to shower the night before.  My curls were flat by then.  And a day to day pony tail was no longer an option for my flat hair.  So there was no breakfast in sight.  After college came jobs.  A few, not a ton.  And you get in to your routine at your job, you don’t give a crap what the other people scrubbing toilets and floors with you think about your hair, but that job started early, it was a weekend job and it was early… FUCK getting up early on a sat and a sun.  But I did it.  Screw hair, screw makeup, screw cute shoes, now I just wanted comfy shoes and sleep.  Everyone else was staying up all night on fri and sat night.  Not me, I was boring.  I had a job.  I went to bed at 10pm half the time, sometimes even earlier than that.  Sometimes a lot earlier than that.  Do you think I got up early to eat breakfast?  Nope.  So fast forward til now.  I am crazy so they don’t need the crazy’s to work.  So I am a home body.  And my Jason fellow is on 2nd – 3rd shift so I am as well.  So naturally since I have no job to wake up for, and no baby, I simply sleep… and sleep… and sleep until breakfast is over and lunch is on it’s way out.  So no breakfast for me, peoples.  Nope, not a waffle in sight.